Weekly Results 8th August 2020

Swansea Golf Club Results 8th August 2020

Today was a stableford event played in near perfect conditions. The course was again presented in excellent condition.

Overall Winner Len Evans 41.

Div.1 Winner Steve Dart 38 c/b, Runner Up Stuart Moore 38

Div.2 Ray Dart 36, Runner Up Gavin Todd 35.

Nearly but not good enough Jason Kerrison 37, Max Hall 36, Paul Nunn 36.

Nearest the Pin 6th/15th Len Evans 8th/17th Jason Kerrison.

Super Pins 4th/13th Stuart Moore, 7th/16th Steve Dart 

Wednesday 5th August 2020

Ladies Mid-Week. No Play due to poor weather 

Chicken Run (Scores Only)

Wednesday. No play due to Rain.
Friday. Jan Darke 31, Putts Lee Bennett 12. 

Next Week

Pinehurst Sponsored by Swansea True Value Hardware

A young man, his father and his grandfather were about to tee off to start their round when an incredibly good-looking woman walked up to the tee box. "Would you like to join us and make a foursome?" asked the grandfather.

"I would, but on one condition," replied the lovely young woman. "I prefer to select my own clubs and make my own putts without advice from men. Every other time I've golfed with men, they try to give me advice. Will you agree not to give me advice?"

The men all consented in unison, none of them being particularly good players.

As they soon realized, this young woman was a fabulous golfer. She was getting par on every hole. The men were wondering who would have the nerve to give her advice!

On the eighteenth hole, the woman found herself facing a 35-foot putt, with a severe undulation on the green. She studied it, and studied it, and studied it.

Finally, she said, "Gentlemen, I'm very happy that none of you tried to give me advice before this. I've never played a round with men when at least one of them didn't try to give me some advice. Right now, if I make this putt, I'll have par for the course, and I'm asking for your advice. If you help me and I make this shot, I'll sleep with each one of you!"

The young man rushed over, studied the putt, and said, "You have to aim for that small bush to the left of the hole, that should be the right break!"

The father ran over and studied the putt, then said, "No, I think you should aim at the knot on the log to the left of the hole, and that will be the right break!"

The grandfather walked up to the ball. "Heck," he said, calmly picking up the ball, "that's a gimme."

Weekly Results 1st August 2020

Swansea Golf Club Results 1st August 2020

Today’s event was stroke play for the August Monthly Medal played in more common conditions, slightly cool and slightly windy.

Monthly Medal Winner Lyn Lyne 59

Div.1 Winner Jack Hardcastle 61, Runner Up Sally Siepen 63 c/b

Div.2 Mike Woolveridge 60, Runner Up Val Kemp 63,

Nearest the Pin 6th/15th Sally Siepen, 8th/17th Rick Dance, 9th/18th Ricky Wright.

Super Pins 4th/13th Ricky Wright, 7th/16th Lyn Lyne.

Wednesday 29th July 2020

Ladies Mid-Week Eclectic

18 Holers Winner Jan Darke 22 c/b, Runner Up Val Kemp 22 c/b, Lee Bennett 22.

9 Holers Winner Sally Fletcher 19, Runner Up Helen Hall 17.

Nearest the Pin 18 holers 6th Jan Darke, 9th Jan Darke. 9 holers 8th Karen Moran, All Comers 7th Sally Siepen.

Birdies Jan Darke, Gobblers Dot Morey, Val Kemp.

Chicken Run (Scores Only)

Wednesday. Barry Skeggs 30, Keith Breheny 31, Putts Chris Weeding 12.

Friday. Ian Johnson 28, Lyn Lyne 30, Barry Skeggs 30, Ricky Wright 30, Ray Flynn 30, Putts Ray Flynn 12.

  

The Pope met with his cardinals to discuss a proposal from the prime minister of Israel.

"Your Holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "The Israeli prime minister wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths."

The Pope thought it was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club in his life. "Have we not," he asked, "a cardinal who can represent me against the leader of Israel?"

"None that plays golf very well," a cardinal replied. "But ..." he said, deep in thought, "what if we offered to make Jack Nicklaus a cardinal? We can offer to make him a cardinal, then ask him to play the Israeli prime minister as your personal representative. In addition to showing our spirit of cooperation, we'll also win the match."

Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made. Nicklaus was greatly honoured and agreed to play.

The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of the result.

"I have some good news and some bad news, Your Holiness," said Nicklaus.

"Tell me the good news first, Cardinal Nicklaus," said the Pope.

"Well, Your Holiness, I don't like to brag, but even though I've played some pretty terrific rounds of golf in my life, this was the best I have ever played, by far. I must have been inspired from above. My drives were long and true, my irons were accurate and purposeful, and my putting was perfect. With all due respect, my play was truly miraculous."

"There's bad news?" the Pope asked.

Nicklaus sighed. "I lost to Rabbi Woods by three strokes."

Weekly Results 25th July 2020

Swansea Golf Club Results 25th July 2020

A stableford event played in near perfect weather and the course was in great condition. Anyone who didn’t have 36 pts needs to look at what is on the end of the shaft.

Overall Winner Lyn Lyne 37

Div.1 Winner Jason Kerrison 33 c/b Runner Up Tim Bond 33

Div.2 Winner Max Hall 36 36 c/b, Runner Up Sally Siepen 36.

Nearest the Pin 4th/13th Gavin Todd 2nd/11th Rick Dance 9th/18th Jason Kerrison.

Super Pins 7th/16th John Quinn, 6th/15th Jack Hardcastle

Wednesday 22nd July 2020

Ladies Mid-Week Club Trophy Stableford

18 Holers Winner Pat Hardcastle 38, Runner Up Jan Darke 37 c/b, Kathy Dance 37.

9 Holers Winner Jenny Whittaker 22, Runner Up Helen Hall 17..

Nearest the Pin 4th Jan Darke, 7th Kathy Dance, 9 Holers 7th Di Garcia, 8th Helen Hall.

Gobblers Kathy Dance X 2, Jan Darke, Di Garcia.

Chicken Run (Scores Only)

Wednesday ; Max Hall 31, Ian Johnson 31, Putts Ian Wallace 14.

Friday; Jan Darke 29, Putts Jan Darke 14.

 

Jim-Bob showed up at his golf club one day to discover that the club had begun a program using seniors as caddies. One day a week, the club replaced all its regular caddies with senior citizens.

"It's a new program," the club starter explained. "All the seniors we hired live at the old folks' home down the road. But they are in terrific physical shape, and we're just trying to help them earn a little extra money, get some exercise and stay young."

That sounded like a noble idea to Jim-Bob, so he set off to the first tee with his 75-year-old caddie. When Jim-Bob finished up on No. 18, the starter asked him how it went.

"Well," Jim-Bob said, "my caddie was nice guy and he tried really hard. But his eyes were bad. He just couldn't see far enough to help me find all my shots."

The starter was apologetic. "I'm sorry. Come back next week and I promise I'll get you a caddie who can see just fine."

A week later, Jim-Bob returned. He headed to the first tee, and this time his caddie was 80 years old.

Jim-Bob was a little worried, but his concerns disappeared after his first tee shot.

It was booming drive, around 300 yards but a little offline. "Do you have it?" Jim-Bob asked, "I lost it in the sun." "Don't worry," the elderly caddie replied, "I saw exactly where it landed."

Jim-Bob and his caddie started up the >fairway in the direction where the old man said he'd seen the ball. But Jim-Bob started to get a little worried when they began wandering a bit, the caddie seemingly unsure of the exact location.

"What's the matter?" Jim-Bob asked, "I thought you said you saw where it went."

"Oh, yes sir, I saw exactly where the ball went," the caddie replied.

"Then where is it?"

The caddie replied, "I forgot."

Weekly Results 18th July 2020

Swansea Golf Club Results 18th July 2020

Brave souls did battle with very cool and some times windy conditions for a stoke event.

Over all Winner Ray Flynn 58.

Div.1 Winner Eric Marshall 63 Runner Up Peter Lea 64 c/b

Div.2 Winner Ian Wallace 59, Runner Up Darryl Down 60.

Nearest the Pin 8th/17th Eric Marshall 6th/15th Len Evans.

Super Pins 7th/16th Sally Siepen, 4th/13th Gavin Todd

Wednesday 15th July 2020

Ladies Mid Week Championship– Stroke

Round 3

18 Holers Winner Kathy Dance 64 c/b Runner Up Leza Thornton 64.

9 Holers Winner Sally Fletcher 34, Runner Up Jenny Whittaker 36 c/b.

Nearest the Pin 6th Alison Smith 8th Jan Darke 4th Pip Cardno 7th Linden Hall.

18 Holers Champion Gross Leza Thornton 247 Runner Up Sally Siepen 247

18 Holers Champion Nett Kathy Dance 185, Runner Up Lyn Lyn 194

9 Holers Champion Gross Jenny Whittaker 165 c/b, Runner Up Helen Hall 165.

9 Holers Champion Nett Helen Hall 108 c/b Runner Up Jenny Whittaker 108

Chicken Run (Scores Only)

Wednesday; Greg West 28, Rod Smith 30.

Friday; Tim Bond 30, Steve Kenny 31, Mat Gall 31, Max Hall 31. Putts Tim Bond 12 Ricky Wright 12.

Here is a little golf history you might enjoy. Why do golf courses have 18 holes and not 20 or 10 or even a dozen?

During a discussion among the club’s membership board at St. Andrews in 1885, a senior member pointed out that it takes exactly 18 shots to polish off a fifth of scotch. By limiting himself to only one shot of scotch per hole, the Scot figured a round of golf was finished when the scotch ran out. Now you know.

Weekly Results 11th July 2020

Swansea Golf Club Results 11th July 2020

A super field contested a 4 person Ambrose event in fine conditions, generously sponsored by RD & KA Dance builders.

Gross Winners Rick Fulton, Mat Gall, Dale Williams, Lee Bennett 55.

Nett Winners Chris Weeding, Steve Kenny, Tony Johnstone, Peter Lea, 47.5

Nett Runners Up Rick Wright, Vickie Wright, Tim Bond, Laurinda Bond, 48.25

Bradman Award Lyn Lyne, Barry Skeggs, Max Hall, Sally Siepen, 55.75

Nearest the Pin 2nd/11th Rod Smith, 4th/13th Mike Woolveridge, 6th/15th Rod Smith

                                         8th/17th Tim Bond.

Super Pins 7th/16th Paul Nunn, 9th/18th Rick Fulton

Longest Drive Men Peter Lea, Ladies Lyn Lyne

Straightest Drive Men Steve Dart, Ladies Laurinda Bond.

Wednesday 8th July 2020

Ladies Monthly Medal – Stroke

Another great field participated in both the 18- & 9-Hole events.

18 Holers Winner Lyn Lyne 62 Runner Up Kathy Dance 64 c/b, Jo Whelan 64.

9 Holers Winner Sally Fletcher 25, Runner Up Dot Morley 35.

Nearest the Pin 5th Sally Siepen, 7th Sally Fletcher, 8th Lyn Lyne.

Birdies Lyn Lyne

Gobblers Hellen Hall.

Chicken Run (Scores Only)

Wednesday; Chris Weeding 29, Ray Flynn 31, Mike Woolveridge 31, John Quinn 31, Ian Wallace 31. Putts Ray Flynn 13, Tim Bond 13.

Friday; Ray Flynn 29, Gavin Todd 30. Putts Ray Flynn 11.

On the first tee, John turns to Dave and says, “Play for $10?” Gary agrees, and they start their round.

The lifelong friends reach the 9th tee with John ahead by one. After Dave hits a great drive, right down the middle, John steps up and promptly hooks it into the deep rough and trees.

They look and look and look, but no ball can be found. The three-minute time limit on searching for lost balls is about to run out. John takes a quick glance over to Dave to see if he is looking, then reaches into his pocket and drops a new ball into the rough.

“Found it!” John says triumphantly.

Dave looks at his friend with great disappointment. “After all the years we’ve been friends,” he says, “you’d cheat at golf for a measly 10 bucks?”

“What do you mean ‘cheat’?” John replies. “I found my ball sitting right here.”

Dave lets out a heavy sigh. “And you would lie to me, too? All for a tiny sum of money? You would cheat me and lie to me, for what? For $10? I can’t believe you’d stoop so low.”

John replies: “What makes you so sure I’m cheating and lying?”

“Because,” Dave replies, “I’ve been standing on your ball for the last three minutes!”

Events Calendar

December 2020
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28 29 30 1 2 3 4
5 6 7 8 9 10 11
12 13 14 15 16 17 18
19 20 21 22 23 24 25
26 27 28 29 30 31 1
January 2021
S S M T W T F
26 27 28 29 30 31 1
2 3 4 5 6 7 8
9 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26 27 28 29
30 31 1 2 3 4 5
February 2021
S S M T W T F
30 31 1 2 3 4 5
6 7 8 9 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17 18 19
20 21 22 23 24 25 26
27 28 1 2 3 4 5

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